Holiday Revelation II: Mook Realizes He's Not a Muslim

My parents converted to Islam before I was born. I don't know the details of their conversion at all, other than that it was a reaction to a spiritual direction they felt to follow as a result of their involvement with Subud-- see this post for details regarding-- they will be very relevant to the following passage.

They asked the founder of Subud, a great spiritual master affectionately known as "Bapak," (meaning "Mister" in Indonesian), to give me a Muslim name when I was born. Bapak was famous for, among other things, being able to give a person a name that matched their true nature. He gave me the name "Mukhtar," which means "Chosen One."

My parents were Muslim, but they were not devoutly so. They believed very deeply in God-- the God of Abraham, Moses, Jesus, and the Prophet Muhammad, the same God whose power moved them in their latihan (again, see the Subud link)-- and they still do-- very, very much.

But they never really took to the rigors of the religion-- daily prayers, most notably, were missing (though my father regularly woke for the dawn prayer, and I often joined him). We did all fast the month of Ramadan every year as a family. I really enjoyed that spacey, half-starved feeling-- everyone was a lot calmer and nicer for it.

We never ate pork, but wine and beer were occasionally sipped by my parents, and mom would give me brandy in orange juice when I was sick. Or port wine-- I loved that stuff.

They didn't tithe to the poor, as far as I know, but we never had much money ourselves, for that matter. They gave to Subud what they could.

The Qur'an was rarely opened in our house, and the only verse the children ever learned was the Al'Fatihah-- the opening chapter, the one repeated in prayer by millions of Muslims around the world every day. For a time when most of us were young, my dad would recite it before we all sat to eat dinner together.

If there were Islamic holidays being celebrated by Muslims elsewhere, I never knew of it, and I doubt my parents did either. That's probably because my parents didn't go to the mosque for worship, and in my whole life I have only been twice-- I've sat through far more church services than that. Both times I went were most unpleasant-- after sitting through a lovely devotional prayer together, everyone would erupt in screaming matches over Middle East politics.

So there was no contact with other Muslims or to the larger Muslim community at all, other than those Muslims we happened to know who were in Subud-- a fair number, but they all seemed as non-committal as my parents did. Indeed, while the beliefs of Islam seemed to resonate with my parents, the actual practice of that faith did not, and Subud and the advice of its founder were always by far the real vehicle of their worship and spiritual understanding. For most of my youth this statement could be applied equally as well to me, too.

The word "Islam" comes from the root word for "peace" and means "surrender." The word "Muslim" literally means "slave," as in a slave of God. Islam is a very simple religion, in my mind-- it's the religion of the Old Testament as God always wanted it to be. To become a Muslim all you need to do is recite the following: "There is no god but God, and Muhammad is His Messenger." (You've all just converted). It's an amazing statement in that it affirms by first negating-- apparently, it was most important to God that we denounce the existence of any competitors before we pronounce a belief in His existence. It's not enough, for example, to say "God is the true god," or There is only one God." Eliminate then delineate; negate then state-- that's the strategy, here. Interestingly, we do not hear "There is no Messenger but My Messenger, Muhammad." Apparently, we are to be open to the possibility of other messengers.

Indeed, the Qur'an seeks to announce Muhammad's run at prophethood as a continuation of the progression of his prophetic ancestors, running all the way back to Abraham, and embraces them all as God's true messengers. It picks up from where Jesus left off, with tonight's episode starring Muhammad, who finally and most dramatically delivers on the long promised Prophet-King meme.

The Qur'an is also a retelling and retooling of the major stories of the Old and New Testaments. Only this time, it's taken directly from God's point of view, and, most spectacularly, in God's own words (using the first person singular, though occasionally he uses the "royal We"-- given His resistance to the Trinity, you'd think He'd be sensitive about the implications).

Granted, the book is co-authored by the Archangel Gabriel, who dictated it to Muhammad, who then repeated it to his followers, who eventually put it to ink-- so it's not like we ever get the Author to show up for any book signings. Still, you've got to hand it to Muhammad-- it's a ballsier stab at prophetic revelation than any seen before him in this tradition, excepting perhaps the Ten Commandments of Moses. Gutsier still when we take into consideration that Muhammad was functionally illiterate and that the highest praise and station in his society was reserved for poets. So far exceeding in form, beauty, and power were the words of the Qur'an compared to anything written in the Arabic language in his time (or since, say even objective scholars), that its recitation was experienced by many as nothing short of a miracle. Here, I highly recommend this nice bit o' Google fodder to get a sense of what I mean. Here's a noteworthy passage (amongst many):

The Arabic language, as can be attested to by any of it's scholars, is a very rich and powerful language. The Bedouin people of the Arabian desert were, in general, illiterate people of very little scientific knowledge. The thing that set them apart, however, was their mastery of poetry. Spending their days as they did in the desert watching their sheep graze got quite boring. They alleviated their boredom by continually composing and refining poetry. They would spend entire years composing and refining their poetry in anticipation of a yearly face-down of the poetic compositions of their peers from all over the country. The fact that they were illiterate forced them to also train themselves in the memorization of works of literature to such an extent that they were able to memorize complete works from a single recitation. Even in matters of leadership, one of the major criteria for selecting the leaders of the various Bedouin tribes was the individual's prowess in literary composition and memorization.

The Arabian Bedouins took great pains to make their poetry as compact and picturesque as humanly possible, constantly expanding the language along the way. A single word could convey complete pictures. The Qur'an, however, has put even these great efforts to shame. You will notice that when a Muslim translates a verse of the Qur'an he usually does not say "the Qur'an says so and so" but rather "An approximation of the meaning of what the Qur'an says is so and so." You really need to know the language to comprehend this.

Apparently so.

I mean, here-- take a stab at this random patch of God's own prose, as ably translated by none other than Thomas Cleary, and tell me what you think:

From Women, 36-50

Serve God,
and do not associate
anything with God.
And be good to your parents
and relatives,
and to orphans and paupers,
and to neighbors remote,
and to the companion at your side,
and to the traveler,
and to your wards.
For God does not love
the arrogant, the boastful,

those who are avaricious,
or make others avaricious,
and conceal what God has given them
of divine grace.
And
We have prepared a humiliating torment
for the ungrateful,

and those who spend their money
to be seen by people
without believing in God
or the last day;
and for those to whom
the Perverter is an intimate,
what a wretched companion!

And what burden would it be on them
if they believed in God and the last day
and spent charitably of what God provided them?
And God has complete knowledge of them.

Verily God does not oppress unjustly,
in the slightest measure:
for if there is any good,
God redoubles it,
giving a great reward
from the divine presence.

God does not pardon
setting up partners to God
but pardons anything else
for anyone, by divine will.
And whoever attributes partners to God
has invented a serious wrong.

Have you not observed
those who commend themselves?
God, on the contrary,
commends those whom God will:
and they will not be treated unjustly
in the slightest degree.

Look how they invent
falsehood about God;
and that is sufficient in itself
to be an obvious wrong.


I mean, is it just me, or does this stuff kinda suck?

Listen, I love God, but I have never been able stomach His writing. At least, not as it shows up in every translation of the Qur'an that I've ever read (with the possible exception of Lex Hixon's "Heart of the Koran.") Honestly, it strikes me as threatening, self-centered, boastful, dreary, trite, and . . . . okay, I really need to stop dis'ing the Almighty's poetry. I'm quite sure it is in fact just a problem of translation. But since I can't speak classical Arabic and don't expect I ever will be able to do that, then can you see why I might be having second thoughts about my status as a skinny white Muslim kid from Denver?

I do love God, because, to me, God is love. I do believe in God-- very much. And I have heard and understood boundless love expressed over and over again in the Qur'an-- yes. There's so much that I value about Islam. But it's when God ends His Qur'anic verses with menacing remarks like (open up to another random page): "inform them of an excrutiating pain," as He so often does-- well, that's where He loses me. I just can't abide by that visciously angry, jealous God of old-time religion, with His "look at Me stomping around knocking down buildings and breathing fire down on the infidels!" song-and-dance anymore. That's just not the God I want to hang out with any longer. I actually think He sets a really bad example.

The God I know-- really know-- doesn't do that. Maybe He's changed over the years. When God was speaking through Muhammad back then He was trying to reach a pretty tough crowd-- maybe He had to talk a little smack to get them to listen up? Maybe the God I know is a higher incarnation of the God of Islam. Who knows? All I do know is that my God is a God for the whole Universe, and no one religion can contain Him. It. Whatever.

I realized all of this some time just before the holiday season kicked off. I just woke up one day and I said to myself: "Self, you're not really a Muslim anymore." At least, not in the smaller sense of the word. Not as such. But I will always be a slave to Love, baby!

Of course, I had thought about saying those words for many years. (No, not those words-- the significant ones in quotes a few phrases back. Thank you.) But declaring your faith-- or lack of it-- is hugely significant in Islam. As I said, it is how you become a Muslim. "La Ilaha Illallah." There is no God but God.

Yes-- but I'll follow a different path to Him from now on, I think.

I am no longer a Muslim. God, forgive me for saying so.